Vicious Circle

Our free-write is back by popular demand: today, write about anything — but you must write for exactly ten minutes, no more, no less.

It’s getting hard to breath again.

I can feel it.

The shallow breaths that aren’t enough.

Light headedness blackening my eyesight.

Forced to pause, and wonder.

Will I ever breath easy?

It’s tempting.

To give up when it’s too strenuous.

Fold into one’s self.

Become the comforting nothingness.

To be numb inside, and out.

Instead I decide to  fight.

Takes so much effort.

I feel the fire within starting to burst through my skin.

The pain arrives, and it’s searing through my defeat.

All I have left is to prosper.

There’s no other way.

Unless I want to return to the nothing.

For just a moment I feel invincible.

Like carbon formed into a diamond.

I dazzle, and awe.

Until the next descent into the abyss.

It’s a vicious circle.

Because I’m Happy

It feels FANTASTIC here at Fort Bragg.

Fall has OFFICIALLY arrived, and I am pumped up!

My pinning on Pinterest is at an all time high.

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And Starbucks is visited up to 3 times a week now.

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Our oldest ‘R’, has been collecting pine cones on our walks; for the crafts we have planned so far.

Baby ‘A’ has worn a knit hat to keep her head warm.

And I have been looking for two days now online. I am preparing for the girls fall clothing shopping trip!

So yes that means TARGET trip, and budgeting!!!

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I love buying them new clothes!!!! Girl clothing is just so much fun, and the SHOES too.

Today is the second day in a row where I have had the A/C turned off, and all the windows open.

I am wearing a HOODIE today. Yes, I freaking HOODIE, and I am just so freaking EXCITED!!!

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We have two dogs.

So even cleaning all day the house always kind of smells like them.

But not right now, because of the windows being open!!

I have like 5 pumpkin candles lit and it smells awesome in here.

I’m just so happy right now. :)

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Getting to know you….

If you had to come up with one question, the answer to which would determine whether or not you could be friends with a person you’ve just met, what would it be? What would the right answer be?

Wow, I didn’t realize how hard this would be.

I am a very accepting person.

I learned to not judge a book by it’s cover.

I can think of a couple of questions.

But even if you didn’t answer the ‘correct’ way, I would still be your friend most likely.

I know people have their own preference with all things.

Some questions….

Do you believe in Jesus Christ?

That question is considered a big one for many ‘Christians’. But to me, someone who believes in Christ, I won’t really care about your answer. It would make our relationship go to a whole new level, but it wouldn’t make me shun you if you don’t believe. I guess the only way this could be answered incorrectly for me is if you worshiped the devil. Then our friendship is a no go.

Who is your favorite football team?

Romo

- CORRECT ANSWER: Would have to be any team that is NOT the Cowboys.

Extra Credit Answer: Patriots ;)

But hey, my husband loves the Cowboys, and yet I love him to death.

(See what I mean.)

Do you have any kids?

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- Correct answer: Would be yes. But, even if you didn’t have any I would still be your friend. It’s just that having kids helps me connect even more with you. We’ve been through so much of the same things. The struggles and the joys. Again it’s that deeper level of friendship that could be built.

Extra Credit Answer: Yes, and they are the same ages as my kids!!!! Now that is just pure awesomeness when that happens!!!.

What kind of music do you listen to?

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- Correct Answer: I listen to everything EXCEPT hardcore rap.

Extra Credit Answer: I listen to everything, but Country is my first love.

Wrong Answer: Hardcore Rap. I’m sorry, i just can’t stand the filthiness of the lyrics. But even if you did answer with the wrong answer there is still a chance at a friendship. We could have many more things in common. And I would just make sure we took my car everywhere together; so I would never have to suffer through your music. :)

Filled Heart

Changing colors, dropping temperatures, pumpkin spice lattes: do these mainstays of Fall fill your heart with warmth — or with dread?

OMG!! I LOVE AUTUMN!!!

I’m serious. It’s my favorite of all the seasons.

The feel of the air; how it smells so refreshing, and pure.

I love being able to wear a light jacket, or even layers.

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BONFIRES! And roasting marshmellows.

Making s’mores!

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Not to mention Bath & Body, and their Fall collection of scents.

(Which I have already stocked up on.)

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I love that the ground, and trees become different colors.

I love the vibrance that the reds, yellows, and oranges bring into the world.

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Halloween is my second favorite holiday!

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I love CANDY.

Especially, the suckers that are green with caramel dipped on top.

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(Freaking delicious!!!)

For some reason I just feel so amazing during Fall.

It’s like I have been re-born.

My senses trying to absorb everything they can.

Can’t forget my Starbucks PSL.

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Or even my second favorite: Salted Caramel Mocha!

My cousin in Texas, makes an amazing Apple Cider that is a must during this season.

Hoodie & Sweater weather!! What more can I say?

G8 sweater weather

Oh and don’t forget about FOOTBALL. GO PATRIOTS!! ;)

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(We are playing the Raiders today at 1:00 p.m. Let’s make it another win boys!!!)

Passing Judgement

How would you get along with your sibling(s), parent(s), or any other person you’ve known for a long time — if you only met them for the first time today?

I know for a fact that I would not get along with my mother, but maybe with my father. I barely knew my father. I think I talked to him twice over the phone, and spent one week with him visiting my sister Tessa; when she lived with him for a year. I was never close to him. But from what my oldest sister, Jamie tells me about him; I think we would get along. He was a Marine, so we have military in common. I loved being in the Army. Unfortunately, he was involved with Vietnam. Yes, my father was that old. My mother and him were 13 years apart. From the stories he has told my mother and my older sister Jamie; I can tell that deployment really messed him up. He saw things that no one should ever see. From how people described him he was laid back. I love laid back people!

My sisters are easy. Yes I would get along with them.

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(Jamie & Me)

Jamie would take a little more I think. Because we are 11 years apart.

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(Tessa & Me)

Tessa and I were only 2- 2 1/2 years apart depending on the time of year. So we had childhood in common. I think I would need to have met Jamie when I was in my twenties just so we would have some “grown” things in common. Our childhood was completely different. Jamie was an only child for 9 years before she had siblings. From day one I had 2 siblings, though, Jamie moved out by the time I would have been any fun.

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When Time Passes Slowly

It’s been 5 months.

And I still feel numb.

I miss the person I use to be.

The one who had never lost a piece of her heart, and soul.

The woman who had such strong faith, and no doubts.

The girl who felt carefree, and so light.

A sudden death is unlike anything I can describe.

Especially, when it’s someone so young, and someone who you have known your whole life.

My best friend.

My sister.

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The only one in my family I could talk to about our crazy ass family.

The one I vented to.

Shared our kids triumphs.

Ask each other for advice.

Just listened to one another.

No judgement.

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Painfully slow to create a new norm.

It amazes me how much you rewind your time with them.

I rewind to our farm in Kansas and us climbing a tree together.

To the snowball fights in the front yard.

The bike rides all through our childhood neighborhoods.

The years where we shared a room, and she let me have the top bunk.

The tape recorder we would fight over all day; as we tried to record our favorite songs on the radio.

How about those dances we made to TLC, Destiny’s Child, and Britney Spears?

Me letting you sneak back into the window at night after visiting with your first boyfriend.

The secrets told and shared.

The moments of defeat where we would just hold one another up.

The shared history that only we could completely understand.

Life will never be the same, but it does go on.

Unfortunately, without the phoenix that was my sister, Tessa.

tss

Baby A’s 1st Birthday

Yep, on the 12th of September, Baby ‘A’ was born. We didn’t do a big party or anything like that, because daddy is gone with some special training for a while. We are saving the big party stuff for when daddy gets back home. Before DH left he was a little sad, because he already miss the birth (being deployed), and now was missing the 1st birthday. But, that’s the army life for you. You get used to it. At least he will be home for our oldest R’s 5th birthday in October! DH is extremely excited, because he has missed her past 2 birthdays (deployment and special schools/training).

So on Baby A’s birthday I thought she would get to eat a cupcake for the first time. I was so excited, and ‘R’ helped me make some delicious little cakes.

Little did I know that a HUGE teething milestone would be hit on that day.

Both of my kids never really did much when they were teething. Of course they both had a TON of drool, and chomped down on anything they could get their little hands on. But on Baby A’s birthday, it reminded me of what else they had in common.

All day on her birthday, Baby A was a serious grump. She would have her sweet moments, and be cuddly. And then the next thing you know she would be screaming from the top of her lungs. No matter what you did, it didn’t help. Tried changing the diaper, giving a bottle, giving the sippy with juice in it, different play activities…nothing was helping. She refused to eat table food.

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(First time she ever fell asleep in a stroller. Took a year!)

Right before bedtime I noticed Baby A crying, and there was red stuff on the hand she was chewing on. It was blood. So I looked in her mouth and saw why the whole day was full of crying, and cuddling. Her top right front tooth was coming through. It was just then busting through and a bloody mess.

Poor baby. I gave her Tylenol and it helped her to get to sleep. But she only slept 3 hours straight; the rest of the night was spent tossing and turning in pain, medicine, and then eventually letting her lay against my chest while I rocked her for the rest of the night. Let’s just say the next morning, coffee was as important as oxygen.

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<Well she is a red-head. ;) >

‘R’ was the same way. No bad signs of teething till it came to her top front teeth. She would be a grump for like 3-5 days. I would barely sleep.

I did catch some happy moments though during Baby A’s big day though. And once DH gets back we will have the bigger, happier celebration (lol).

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(This is Baby A. Who was very excited at 7:40 a.m.; the same time she was born a year ago. She couldn’t wait for her big day to start, can’t you tell.)